HOLIDAY UPS AND DOWNS:
COPING WITH HOLIDAY STRESS

by Dr. Ron Newman

When you think of the Christmas Holiday season, what comes to your mind? Some people get excited about the decorations, music, presents, or the real "reason for the season." Others, however, get anxious about potential family conflicts, frantic busyness, crowds and long lines at the shopping mall. It is not unusual for people to have mixed emotions, including loneliness, depression, and grief over lost loved ones who will no longer be physically present to share in the holiday spirit.

What follows are some principles that may help you have a more enjoyable Christmas season.

A) Strengthen Relationships.
The holiday offers a unique opportunity to rebuild relationships. Recognize the value of those relationships, and focus on those relationships that you want to strengthen -- perhaps for the other person's benefit as well as your own. Even if you are experiencing your own sense of loneliness, resist the temptation to isolate yourself. Reach out to others who may have a similar need. The most meaningful experiences in life are in the context of our relationships with others.

B) Learn to say NO.
We often become overwhelmed at the holidays because of our difficulty in saying no to people. We sometimes allow others to determine how we use our time. Being assertive regarding those situations is necessary for our own sanity. This guideline is meant to help balance the goal of building relationships, but is not intended as a rationale for unhealthy isolation of oneself.

C) Practice Forgiveness.
Holidays can remind us of the unresolved conflicts we have with others. In the spirit of Christmas, we can sometimes face those relationships in a new light as we seek to
understand, accept, and let go of past hurts. Or perhaps it is a good time for us to approach someone we have hurt to offer our own apology and seek reconciliation. This may not always be possible or advisable, if the other person is not "safe," but in most relationships there is room for more mercy.

D) Maintain a Sense of Humor.
If we take ourselves or others too seriously, we risk losing our own positive attitude about the holidays. A merry heart is good medicine. Learn to laugh at the long lines,
forgotten presents and last minute shopping, etc. A negative attitude will only bring you down, but will not change the circumstances you are in.

E) Maintain Good Health Habits.
As with any stress management program, you want to get sufficient exercise, adequate sleep, and a balanced nutritional intake (beware of the excesses). Holidays are fraught with temptations of all sorts that can throw you body off balance and make the holidays less satisfying.

F) Sing and Enjoy the Music.
Music is good for the soul, and singing has many psychological as well as physical benefits. For one thing, it cleans out the stale air in your lungs! It has the ability to stir up every type of emotion, but during the holiday season it's good to be reminded of a more optimistic outlook on life.

G) Thoughtful Planning.
Goal setting and making plans to achieve those goals are necessary elements to success in life. The same is true regarding our success in navigating the pitfalls of the holiday season.
1. List your goals. Brainstorming all that you want to accomplish can be a helpful first step in this regard. This should include relationships as well as tasks.
2. Prioritize your goals. You want to be clear what is most important to you, otherwise you may end up doing what is easiest first, and not have time for what is really your highest value.
3. Remind yourself repeatedly of your goals. Put them on the refrigerator, on the calendar, in your daytimer, or whatever works for you. Just donít forget them, which is our tendency if we don't have a system to remind us.
4. Delegate when possible. If time management is particularly difficult for you, delegation of responsibilities becomes very important. Perhaps you do not have to buy all of the presents for everybody, or you do not have to cook the entire meal by yourself!

The above principles can help you enjoy your holiday to the fullest extent and avoid those inherent pitfalls. Merry Christmas!

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Ronald S. Newman, Ph.D. is a licensed psychologist in New Jersey with
over 20 years of experience in the mental health field. He has been a
popular speaker both in New Jersey and in South America where he makes
annual trips for the purposes of teaching and training.

This article originally appeared in Ecobyte.